What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
