no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
