i just sent this text using only my big toe
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
