she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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