his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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