I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
