Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
