so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
