I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
