His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
