and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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