Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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