and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
How does one acquire holy water?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
