Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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