you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
