She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
