Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
