So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
drinking out of a sandbucket again
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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