This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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