ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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