Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
3 2 1 whiskey
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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