You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
