I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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