I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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