Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
