So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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