Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
