My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
