Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
