anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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