i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
