Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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