It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
