I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i came on her dog
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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