So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
