i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
