is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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