i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
