the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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