almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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