I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
