and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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