Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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