He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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