i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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