so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
