I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
