Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
