I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
