whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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