Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
