Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
