I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
