Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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