and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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