Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Randomize
