he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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