i think my tv is drunk
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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