He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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