Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
