Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
