ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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