Fine. I'll sleep in my office
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
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