any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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