shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
