I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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