I puked a lego.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
