some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
